Death at Ikea
by Fangirldown
Summary: Who knew shopping for a rug could be such a hassle.


_Ikea would be their tomb,_ was all that was running through Arthur's head as he followed along behind Merlin and the horrendous chatter box the store called an _employee_. The store itself was so massive he assumed that at least 3 people went missing every week never to be heard from again, and that made Arthur chuckle as he pictured their photographs plastered on milk cartons and telephone poles with the phrase 'Last seen at Ikea', before the harrying idea of _what if _began to circle his mind. What happens if he sat on a couch and somehow got trapped between the cushions? It would probably take Merlin days to realize he was gone and that thought was even more depressing than getting pulled into an alternate couch dimension.

"What do you think of this colour, love?" Merlin asked, pulling Arthur out of his shifty gaze of the la-z-boy chairs, and towards a rug with a god awful print of flowers. "Utterly distasteful." he commented while pulling a face of disgust making Merlin smile before continuing his browsing of rugs. To think they came all this way for a bloody rug when they could have just ordered one on-line.

"How long does it take to pick out a stupid square of fabric that everyone is going to step on anyway?" Arthur complained as he stood with his arms crossed, shifting his weight from foot to foot with impatience, and just wishing they could leave. He _hated _shopping, especially for furniture and house-y things. That was more Merlin's thing anyway.

Merlin stared him directly in the eyes intensely as a challenge, slowly pulling out a fuzzy powder pink corner and watching Arthur pull a face again. "Exactly. Shut up." Merlin told him causing Arthur to roll his eyes before heading over to the la-z-boy recliners and sitting down. If he was going to die waiting he would do it comfortably. "We should get this chair." he commented, enjoying the fact his bum sunk right down in what felt like a cushion of clouds.

"That doesn't match a single thing in our living room." Merlin said looking over at him with his eyebrows raised as he took in the brown fabric material. "So?" Arthur said, "not everything has to match."

"When I use that room too, you bet your royal rear it does." Merlin shot back. Finally fed up with Merlin's indecision, Arthur stood up and pulled out a rug that had somewhat matched the red's and white's of their living room. "This one will do just fine now let's leave." he said but Merlin was quick to snatch it from his arms. "This is hideous." he commented on the brown, teal and red swirly design. Arthur huffed and rolled his eyes in frustration. "Honestly nobody is going to really notice it sitting under a table." he defended before .lifting his arm and looking at his watch. "We've been here over 3, I'm starving, and I don't feel like dying in Ikea today."

Merlin glared at him before crossing his arms. "Fine. But the minute someone says anything about it I'm going to roll you up in it and set it on fire." he said as he followed behind Arthur who was trying to figure out where the hell the check out was.

"Where the bloody-" Arthur began as he turned frantically in the bed section where they had been just 2 minutes ago. "Great, we're lost." Merlin said with a sigh. Perhaps Arthur was right, you could end up dying in an Ikea if you weren't careful. there were no signs, no people and no exits. _Great_.

"Arthur you know what I feel like?" Merlin said and Arthur could hear him biting back his laughter. With a sigh he turned and looked at his fiancées bright red cheeks and couldn't stop the small smile that was making it's way to his lips. "What?" he asked.

"We're like the Hansel and Gretel of Ikea." he said as he began to chuckle like crazy and Arthur couldn't help but laugh at the extremely dumb joke. "Well unless you have some bread crumbs in your pockets, we're going to be here a while."

After about 45 minutes of wandering around aimlessly they finally managed to find the entrance and pay before making it out to the parking lot with relief.

"That was _not_ worth a rug. I can think of so many other items in there worth that whole ordeal, and the rug is not one of them." Arthur said once they placed the ugly thing in the back seat. "Like that recliner?" Merlin asked over the hood of the car and when Arthur looked up and seen that innocent looking smile his face lit up. "Are you saying I can get the recliner?" and when Merlin nodded his head Arthur grabbed him by his shirt sleeve and dragged him back inside. Now if only he could remember exactly _where_ it was.


End file.
